Jezebel’s What’s The Buzz! February 2024

“There’s nothing to do in Paphos in winter”. Not quite true. There are fewer hotels and entertainment venues open, but the remainder do their best to keep everyone occupied and happy, and sometimes one can create one’s own entertainment unexpectedly.

One shopping trip last month I visited one of the supermarkets along the coast road. Having forgotten to put the ‘bag for life’s back in the car after the last shop, I was pleased to see that this merchant had free cardboard boxes available in which to carry shopping away. Having paid for my groceries, I wheeled the trolley outside and parked it by my car. I was just opening the boot when I heard an almighty smash: the trolley had fallen sideways off the kerb and landed , not actually hitting the car, but tipping the contents underneath it. Six jars of curry and three bottles of wine remained unscathed in their boxes (the gods clearly were smiling on me, nay, laughing their heads off) but tins and tubes went rolling down the sloping car park. Great exercise for me running around in all directions grabbing produce and avoiding cars, then hauling the trolley-full of wine, sauces and dozens of tins of cat food back upright. I had to spend some time flat on the tarmac reaching things from below the car, then driving a few feet to claim the remainder. Finally everything was safely stowed in the car and I drove away, only to be chased down the road by a helpful chap waving an errant tin of chickpeas (or escapeas).

Three days and many car journeys later, I regaled the tale to a friend who couldn’t believe the front of my car hadn’t been damaged. A close inspection proved it hadn’t, but we spotted something odd wedged in the front grille – and pulled out a can of deodorant.

During the interminable gap between Christmas and New Year I hosted a karaoke gig in a pub. The landlady wasn’t sure it would be well attended, as during this period many folk just stay home in the warm sleeping off the over-indulgences of Christmas, but happily it was very busy, with singer after singer. At one point I noticed that the singer I was about to call up seemed to be having some kind of altercation with the landlady, so I put some background music on. It became surreal, like a scene out of EastEnders, with the music playing Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas Time while the landlady screamed GET OUT! GET OUT! By the end of the song, the evicted customer had left, along with the group she’d been with and quite a number of the other customers. I got an early night after all.

Speaking of landladies, Paul and I were asked to oversee a house move for some friends who were moving from Paphos to Nicosia – whilst on an essential trip to New Zealand. They did warn us that the landlady of their new apartment in Nicosia was also the architect of the building and lived opposite, and had furnished them with a long list of rules such as not hanging washing or erecting sunshades or parasols on the balcony, and no dragging boxes or furniture across the expensive wooden floors. So, we packed everything from the Paphos house, cleaned up, then followed the lorry to the Nicosia apartment. First off the lorry were the mop and broom we’d just used in Paphos. We stood on the balcony waiting for the men to bring the first items of furniture and boxes off the lorry. Within a minute the landlady appeared to tell us not to keep the mop and broom on the balcony. We’d been at the house three minutes and had just begun unpacking. We were speechless.

There’s been a flurry of theatrical activity of late on the island. By the time this hits the shelves I’ll have taken part in both Cinderella and Tell Me On A Sunday within two months, and Stage One Theatre will be gearing up for its March show, The Farndale Avenue Housing Estate Townswomen’s Guild Dramatic Society Murder Mystery (and you thought Tell Me On A Sunday was a mouthful!) . In early January Aspa Vasiliou Academy presented an extremely impressive Mary Poppins Jr with an all child cast, and The Pattihio Theatre in Limassol hosted West End & Beyond in Concert which I missed, but for a good reason – seeing the marvellous last night of Stephen Sondheim’s Old Friends in London’s west end, but I’m told the Pattihio offering was the best musical theatre ever seen in Cyprus. I hope it will be back.

Jezebel hosts a Quiz Night every other Tuesday at The Hunter Cafe Bar in Trimithousa – contact 99831136 for details.

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