Buttons and buttonholes. They’ve been around since the thirteenth century and, despite the more recent inventions of zips and press studs, remain a ubiquitous, standard form of clothing fastening, found on probably 99% of shirts. You’d think we’d have them sussed by now, wouldn’t you?
Paul recently ordered four new shirts on line, choosing ones that don’t need ironing but look smart. They arrived without fuss (unusual), he slipped one on and held it together to check the fit – fine – and hung them up in his wardrobe. Fast forward a couple of weeks and he had just showered ready for a gig and donned a new shirt ready to leave. But he couldn’t do the buttons up. No, he’d not put on weight or bought the wrong size – the buttons were too big to fit through the buttonholes. Pulling the shirt off in a fury, he grabbed another new one, only to find the exact same problem. And with the third, and, the forth. He has since attacked said holes with scissors and rendered the shirts useable – at least until the buttonholes fray – but he was rather late for the gig that night.
I was recently presented a present of a lovely shirt-dress, at a birthday party. I slipped it on over what I was wearing to show the present-giver, and everyone complimented it. Once home I hung it in my camper-van wardrobe ready to wear at the weekend. At the campsite I duly donned my new shirt-dress – whereupon I discovered it had no buttons, no buttonholes, in fact no means of fastening at all. I know that phones and laptops are slowly disposing with buttons over touch screens, but are we now to use the same method to fasten clothes? The future of dressing could be fascinating.
Our camper van came with two small gas bottles that fit beautifully into the gas bottle cupboard on the side of the van, connected to the cooker, fridge and hot water system. My friend who had a camper with the same bottles told me she got them refilled, when needed, at the gas cabin in Sklavenitis car park in town. I did try the Emba Gas Station first, but the guy there said he couldn’t fill this type of bottle, so we used the Sklavenitis car park guys. Until one day they said they couldn’t do it any more. I tried everywhere I could think of: gas stations, barbecue shops, camping shops; I posted on forums but I was getting the same answer everywhere: buy a new, different bottle. Back to the Sklavenitis gas cabin to ask for two new bottles. But no, not as simple as that. Much looking at the camper van connections and tutting. Then in walked our friend from the Emba Gas Station. He looked in the camper, told us to buy a bottle from the cabin and to then go to the Thermo shop in Mesogi and buy some adaptors to make it work with the camper system.
At said shop, it turned out that our camper’s system was imperial and the bottle metric, so the thread was a different gauge, and turned clockwise instead of anticlockwise. So we needed a whole system of adaptors. One chap came out of the shop and spent an hour plugging things into other things amid much huffing and puffing, but eventually, we were cooking with gas and seemingly not about to explode. The new gas bottle is much smaller than the old, but needs to be, to fit in the various adaptors and connectors. We were not charged a cent for the work.
Wondering how to dispose of the old outdated gas bottles, one of which still had some gas in, I decided to offer them to the helpful man from Emba Gas Station. So, I popped round, carrying the two old outdated gas bottles. Ah, Yiassas! he said, you want these filled?
The camper fridge is running nicely on the gas, but soon we’ll be using it for heating up food and drinks as the weather cools and we head into…pantomime season! I’m in two this year, almost overlapping, and meaning that I’m currently rehearsing one or other panto four days a week. The Phoenix Social Club’s Performing Arts Group are presenting ‘Mother Goose’ while Stage One Theatre Group offer Old Mother Hubbard. Both are new, written by a club/group member and feature: Jack and Jill who want to marry but Jill’s evil Squire father won’t allow it; a Molly; a comedy double act; a dim-witted brother; an animal; and jokes about being so poor that mousetraps malfunction. But they are humorous and presented in different ways, and it’s definitely worth seeing both as they will be different experiences. It’s just supremely confusing remembering who I am and what my relationship with Jill is at any moment. Oh yes it is!
Mother Goose at Phoenix Social Club Kato Paphos 28th & 29th November at 7.30pm, matinee 30th, time TBC. To book contact any club member, or the club on 96784377
Old Mother Hubbard at the Emba Theatre by Stage One Theatre Group 9th, 10th, 11th, 12th, 13th December 7.30pm. Tickets and information www.stageonetheatre.net