Fight responses in stressed children
This usually includes yelling, screaming, saying mean things, hitting, kicking, biting, throwing or punching. In older children it may include being defensive, blaming others, deflecting responsibility or demanding control. Parents of teenagers will certainly recognise non- compliance and defiance and all the emotional states from frustration to fury.
Flight responses
You will have seen or maybe experienced personally wanting to run away or escape, feeling restless and fidgety or putting things off and procrastinating or just ignoring what needs to be done.
This is invariably accompanied by emotional states of anxiety, panic, paralysis or fear.
Freeze responses
This is quite closely related to the flight type responses and includes shutting down and becoming verbally unresponsive or negative. Great difficulties in completing tasks of any kind and seeming to be ‘stuck’. The feelings associated with this state would be apathy, boredom and depression which sometimes occur together making the victims feel totally helpless.
So, what can parents and teachers do to combat stress and the causes of stress in the home and the classroom?
Firstly, recognise that all stress has a cause or multiple causes that lead to the type of stress response you are seeing.
Ideally ‘Prevention is better than cure’ but if you are too late for this or unclear about the cause(s) then you must deal with what you have in front of you.
If a child has entered the ‘Meltdown’ phase, typically the fight responses, then conversation or logical explanations will fall on deaf ears….literally ….. they can’t hear you so don’t waste your breath or valuable time.
Some advocate ignoring negative behaviour as a method of extinguishing attention seeking…….well in limited circumstances there may be some merit in the argument but if your child or student is exhibiting a stress response or is actually in distress then I believe ignoring the response is not only ineffective but also lacks compassion and can feel like cruelty.
In young children at the root of most tantrums outside of hunger, tiredness or anxiety are basic communication issues.
Before they have language babies often communicate by crying or non-verbal signals. Inability to communicate your needs or explain your feelings will cause significant stress which our brain recognises as ‘Danger’ and supplies the bloodstream with a generous dose of adrenalin……which is excellent for making us ready for powerful fight or flight responses but not helpful for calmness or critical thinking.
There is much more to say and I will return this topic in later articles.
Please do contact the Pals team if you have any questions for Tim or comments.
Tim has worked as a Special Ed teacher for over 40 years in eleven countries on three continents. Along the way he has been a School Counsellor a Secondary Deputy Head and a Primary Principal. He now consults on educational matters and in his spare time he counsels teenagers and teaches English IGCSE for the RAF base in Akrotiri.
