Yesterday I watched my daughter get engaged.
Her fiancé did a great job setting it up as a surprise. It was an emotional, ‘down-on-one-knee’ kind of a proposal, surrounded by family and friends. It was truly a special moment and I found myself discreetly wiping the tears from my eyes as we exchanged hugs and congratulations afterwards.
Having grown up in Cyprus, my daughter, now 27 years old, left home to pursue a career in Ballet as soon as she turned 18. She’s lived abroad for the last 9 years; first in the UK, then Sweden, followed by Finland and lastly Estonia.
She has been living her dream as a professional ballerina in the beautiful city of Tallinn ever since landing her initial contract in 2017.
Her love for dance began when she was 5 years old. Little did we know that enrolling her in a ballet class as a kid would lead to a life-long love for dance that would be one of the guiding forces of her life.
The only stronger influence in her life was her faith. As a committed Christian, she made a solemn vow, in her teens, to her Savior Jesus Christ, to remain sexually pure until marriage.
Against all the pressure and demands of her generation, against all the moral excesses of the world that she lives and works in, she has kept that vow to this very day.
I confess, I am very biased when it comes to my daughter. I’m not trying to imply that’s she’s super human or something. She’s not. She is a work in progress, just like the rest of us. But, without dispute, she is a far better person than I am. Loving, generous, intelligent, compassionate; faithful, funny and so very authentic. Throughout her life, more often than not, she’s taken every bull by the horns and persevered through all of its challenges.
In relationship to her faith and commitment to purity, her journey hasn’t been without its ups and downs. I’ve watched her bravely weather many emotionally charged storms, navigating through the fierce challenges to her spiritual integrity and virtue. I’ve seen the tears and fears give way to faith and perseverance over and over again. With every battle won each new scar my love and respect for her has grown.
It probably sounds like I’m bragging, but I assure you, I’m not. As much as I’d like to, I can’t take credit for the incredible young woman she’s grown to be. It’s the grace of God and nothing more.
The point I’m trying to make is that in the depths of my heart I didn’t believe there was a man ‘good enough’ to marry my daughter.
Somewhere along the way I had, whether consciously or not, decided no one was worthy of my little girl.
So when her fiancé first appeared on the scene, I confess the odds were already stacked against him.
What made it more difficult for me, and him I suppose, was the fact that his life story was the polar opposite of hers.
He is committed follower of Christ today, but his story in coming to faith couldn’t be more different than my daughters. Where (in my eyes at least) my daughter’s life is a beautiful story of faith and purity, his is a story of heartbreak, pain and self-destruction. As we got to know him, I remember feeling grateful for his brutal honesty, in sharing about the life he’d led before he meeting our daughter. But it also terrified me to think of my beautiful little girl, who had sacrificed so much to remain true to her convictions, tying herself in a lifelong commitment to someone whose lack of convictions had left him so wounded.
Please understand, my struggle wasn’t that he had a ‘past’. God specializes in doing beautiful things in the lives of messed up people. I’m one of them! It’s why I am in full-time ministry now. Jesus transformed my broken life 30 years ago and I know he can do it for anyone who will put their faith in Him today; including this young man.
My struggle, quite frankly, was that I didn’t believe my daughter deserved the long painful journey that I felt was certain to result in bringing their two very different lives together.
My wife and I began praying for their relationship. As the months passed God began to do what He does best; change hearts. And, as usual, it was my heart that needed the changing, as much anyone’s.
They say love is blind. While this may be true of man’s love, God’s love isn’t like ours. His love isn’t blind. His love has laser focus and unclouded clarity. He knows us better than we know ourselves, inside and out, and he stills loves us. Why do I believe that? Because the Bible says, “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” In other words, God expressed His perfect unconditional love for you and I when we were least worthy of it. He sent His sinless Holy Son to the world to die a substitutionary death when we didn’t want it and didn’t deserve it. He sees past our sin, our limitations, fear and pain, and loves us despite it all. Because of His love, he calls us to turn from our sins, turn to Him, in faith, to be saved.
We spent our whole lives teaching our daughters this foundational truth. It is this truth that drove her to love God from an early age and offer up her purity as a sacrifice for Him. It is this truth that was the anchor through all the storms and difficulties in life. It is the truth gave her the strength to tackle each challenge she has faced and become the exceptional young woman she is today.
It is this truth that has now given me the ability to see her fiancé the way God sees him; worthy!
I’ve come to realize that when we love this young man unconditionally, we are simply loving him the way God loves you and I. When we love him the way God does, we are imitating Christ’s love and participants in the work of grace in His life. We love him and are privileged to have him as part of our family and look forward to seeing all that God has in store for us together in the days ahead.
Worthiness isn’t in the object being loved, but in the heart of the one loving.
The Bible says “We love, because He first loved us.”
I pray that you will discover the transforming love of God that has changed me and that I have seen change so many other people, including our new ‘son-in-law-to-be’. And being transformed, I pray you will discover the joy of loving others in the same way.
By Pastor Tim Mattox
Paphos Calvary Chapel
www.calvarycyprus.com
